Secrets of Success for Teens: The Thank You Note

Ok...did you get some cool stuff for Christmas or Hanukah? Did you get some geeky presents?

Whether you liked your gifts or not, it's time to write a thank you note. Even though we're all online or on the cell phone, there is still no substitute for the handwritten thank you note. Here's why: it tells someone that you care about them enough to take the time and spend the money on the paper and stamp.

Email and text messages are fine for quick messages but there is something enduring about a handwritten thank you note. Right now along with a few photos (not nearly enough) and lots of wonderful memories, all I have left of my best friend are the thank you notes she wrote me over the years.

She was the Queen of Thank You Notes and really was my thank you note teacher. But I treasure those notes more than you imagine because she took the time to tell me what she really thought about things. I love seeing her tiny neat handwriting and I'm so glad she took the time to share how she appreciated our friendship.

Thank you notes are still the right thing to do in the work world too. More on that later...time to get busy writing those holiday thank you notes...(which is what i need to do as soon as i get home from the coffee shop where I'm writing this!)

Secrets of Success for Teens: Failure

If you've watched the news lately you can't help but see that former American Idol failure Jennifer Hudson is everywhere. I say failure because in our society we seem to only focus on the one who wins. We easily lose interest in only but the most visible 'winners' - the top athletes, the supermodels, the Paris Hiltons of the world. And we often feel like losers because we don't measure up to them.

It's really kind of crazy when you think of it. There's only a few of them and there's a lot of the rest of us. Why do we put ourselves down because we don't look like them or have the imagined life that they have? But so many of us do...especially teens.

Jennifer Hudson...she's not pencil thin, she didn't win American Idol. But she didn't give up on herself. I certainly don't know the whole story of what she did with her career after Idol but she's now a Golden Globe nominee for best actress for "Dream Girls" after auditioning many times. One door closes...as Meredith Vieira says in her blog (see link)...and another door opens...

Let's make sure we're not so busy looking at that closed door...what we don't have in our lives...that we miss the incredible doors always opening ahead of us.

Secrets of Success for Teens: Parents

Parents. We all have them. They can be tough at times. Most of them love us more than we can even comprehend although it hardly seems that way at times. I never had children so I can't truly imagine what it's like to worry about a teen other than the worry I felt as the teacher of teens. I bet parents can still see us as the babies they brought into the world...and they want to protect us at all costs. But it sure doesn't feel that way sometimes...no matter how old you are.

So what to do? When they yell and try to force their way of doing things on us? Well if we still live with them, we've got to honor the fact that they're paying for pretty much everything. We also have to keep in mind that they're probably doing the best they can. After all, no one gives parent lessons.

Here's my take on it as I often shared with the thousands of teens I worked with. Try to see things from your parents point of view. Think how protective you feel about friends, a pet, even a new outfit or car. Imagine if it's actually your child?? Realize that you're supposed to be pulling away from them when you're in your teens. Otherwise you would never be able to leave to start your own life. It's how you pull away that either creates more stress...or less.

Refrain from saying something that will just get you in more trouble. In class, we all breathed when we felt stressed. Breathe in for a count of 5, hold for 20, breathe out for ten. Do it a couple of times and the words we want to say, stay in our heads where maybe they should stay.

I read recently that we all get the parents were were supposed to get. Even the tough ones. They makes us who we're supposed to be. Mine made me search out ways to help people cope with life maybe because I had to at a young age. Guess if I had had the type of parents who gave me everything, then I wouldn't have learned what I learned that led to helping so many teens get their lives in shape. Might not have been there to prevent the couple of suicides that I helped to prevent either.

Things work out the way they're supposed to it seems. While they're working out...we need to make sure we're not looking for reasons to be offended. Don't take it all so personally...it truly does make life easier...with parents...and with ourselves.

Secrets of Success for Teens: Are you bored in school?

I just got home from tutoring two high school students in math. One had written "bored" all over his math notebook. I know how he feels. I know from being a student who was bored with geometry...and also from boring myself...when I was the teacher!

One of my goals is to help teachers be more exciting in class. I left teaching when I realized after 13 years that I was bored. I came back to the same school 4 years later with a whole new outlook...and tools to make my classes fun.

So part one of the goal is to help teachers.

But part 2 is to help students. I believe we all have to take responsibility for our lives. So it's up to us to find ways not to be bored. After all, we'd better get a plan because for all we know our significant other's parents might bore us to tears...and we can't run from that situation.

So what to do? I'm a visual learner. My high school notebook was filled with drawings. I was able to concentrate better when I drew. Make sure that strategy is ok with your teacher. Tell them you can focus better when you draw if that really does work for you.

Get some good sleep. Part of the boredom is that we're all so tired. It's a lot easier to focus when all your attention is not spent trying to keep your eyelids propped open.

More on this next time...